Saturday, May 09, 2009

Old memories, new memories

My hands have a complete memory of the shape of Bondi's head. They remember the patches at the back of his jaw which I would cup and scratch just the right way, the velvety hairs that cover his ears, the hard spot between brow and muzzle where I would apply two-fingered pressure that would relieve all pains.

As he puts out his paw, I can feel the weight, the roughness of the pads against the calluses on my own palms.; my fingers remember the hairy tuft behind his elbow. My feet remember the weight of his head when his chin rested on them as I sat at the piano. There are spaces around me with weight and memory and texture. A hot breath next to my ear, reminding me to open the rear car window so that the smells of the open road can be savoured.

Munson at Carriageworks flower stall

Saturday was a very hard day for me. My first weekend excursion without Bondi. Early in the afternoon, I was dizzy with grief, operating on auto-pilot.

Later that day I had a very depressing conversation with my brother, over-burdened by the ways the world has shaped him. Tomorrow would have been our father's 70th birthday. All too much for one weekend.

Thank you Munson for being here, dragging me out again into the world, laying down new memories, being the right companion at the right time. x

Carriageworks fence art

4 comments:

  1. Ah yes...

    The things we rekhall...and remember...they may torture us but in the end they soothe us and make us realize things really did happen - both good and bad...

    Now my mom will keep Lucinda Williams 'Right In Time' in her head fur awhile!

    Hugz&Khysses,
    Khyra and Her Mom

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  2. Can not tell you that all of the things you describe will fade as memories. I remember many, many details about the special dogs in my life. But, slowly, they magically move from painful memories to those that allow me to smile. I still, many years later, can get melancholy about specific things, but I far more remember and smile and some of the great memories.

    But don't let anyone tell you we know your pain. We don't. We know our pain. We can only empathize with yours.

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  3. Eyes leaking again. Memories are very hard in the beginning, but over time, they will bring a smile to your face, instead of a tear to your eye. Just as finding me, one month after mom lost her beloved 16 year old Siberian, helped heal her heart, Munson is there to help heal yours.

    Holly

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  4. Anonymous12:57 am

    Sadness of the loss will never go way but time will make it bearable.

    KJ

    ReplyDelete

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